Sometimes when you sacrifice something precious, you’re not really losing it. You’re passing it on to someone else.
Today was surreal. To many, the world has turned upside down. Liberties taken for granted, sureties thought to be there, safety nets carefully crafted, all gone in a few days time. On the horizon looms the advent of things just a week ago unimaginable. Anxieties are high, fear prevalent, and stress overwhelming. Every morning I enter an abyss of unknowns, with a glimmer of light as a guide, and below my feet is not the soft powdery sand of my island paradise but quicksand. Some moments I shake my head thinking “What am I thinking? What are we doing? Why?” But the team keeps pressing forward. Inch by inch, hand over hand, we climb a sheer mountain as we scale a summit of enormous height. There is no safety line to connect us. We can’t afford to all fall at once. The most we can do is form a line so that if one falls, we form a barrier to catch eachother. And keep climbing. The ask, sometimes my ask, other times a superior’s ask, can seem too much. How can I ask for more than I myself can give? How can I ask anything of anyone? To sacrifice what is not mine? So tonight, as I sat in silence as the wind gently tossed my hair about, tears slowly welled. Exhaustion, stress, anxiety, guilt, remorse, frustration, anger, loss…all combined. But I could not let them fall. Not yet. The need is too great to stop now. So thoughts circle my mind, plans gestating, alternatives weighed, all to achieve the result. Because this is not the end game.