Hold on to me as we go
As we roll down this unfamiliar road
And although this wave is stringing us along
Just know you’re not alone
‘Cause I’m gonna make this place your home
Settle down, it’ll all be clear
Don’t pay no mind to the demons
They fill you with fear
The trouble, it might drag you down
If you get lost, you can always be found
Just know you’re not alonePhillip Phillips
‘Cause I’m gonna make this place your home
A year ago, I sat alone on New Year’s Eve. It was my last day as a part of an amazing team of incredibly talented colleagues with whom, for over a decade, I’d worked on exciting, innovative technology driven by the desire to make a positive difference in lives. It marked the end of the calling that I found in 1994, when I’d read the book “The Coming Plague” by Laurie Garrett, and I knew that I wanted to tackle the challenge of rising antimicrobial resistance. To help prevent a world where we went back to the days of death from a small cut, where surgeries would be too risky, what we think of as minor nuisances now resulting in high morbidity and mortality, all because we had no way to stop or treat infections—back to the dark ages of science and medicine. I spent almost a decade gaining degrees and training, then two decades working in industry, to do my part in this global fight. But that night, I was done. The passion, my mission, was the over.
As I sat ringing in the New Year from my couch, I realized the pandemic had changed my world view. So large a threat to the welfare of mankind and yet, instead of unity I looked around and saw bickering, division, hate, selfishness—all amplified in the months and years since that fateful March 2020. I was done. Done trying to do my part to make a difference, when really, did it even matter? And even if it did, there was so much vilification of science, logic, altruism—I looked around at my colleagues fighting and still fighting to make the world a better place—these amazing souls—-and I just put my head down and wept. It may sound dramatic to say—and those who truly know who I am, know I can be melodramatic—but the person I am died. It was the final nail of destruction that joined all the other facets of my life that had fallen apart over the months before that. I was left adrift, a hollow shell, floating in an ocean of tears, grieving all I had lost, as the ball dropped in Times Square.
Except, I wasn’t without resources. I realized that all the years I had spent in my “previous life” were invaluable. Like the story of Scrooge that had been playing the week before, I had the unique chance to view at least my past and present, in hopes of charting my future. I had almost 50 years on this planet—what had I done with it? I like to fancy myself a writer, so I looked at my life from that perspective–what was my story? What were the major events? What were the key moments? What were the patterns of choices in my life? Were they ones that were helpful or harmful? Why had I done what I did? Who were the key characters in my story? Why were they the key characters? Who was I? What did I value? And more importantly, what did I want? I have about 10-15 yrs, if I’m lucky, to reimagine my life. So, what was I going to do? (Yes, therapy was a part of 2022 and also clairvoyant readings—when I dig, I dig deep and I look at things from every angle. And if you are interested in clairvoyant healing, I know someone..reach out. It was truly soul changing.).
If this all sounds like a midlife crisis, well maybe. I like to think it is more realigning my journey. As they say, when life throws you lemons, make lemonade. Or in my case, gin. After contemplation for months, doing some due diligence, research, and trying on (theoretically) different hats, I decided to start my own business (a dream of mine). A business that tied together all the facets of who I was—my interests, my talent, the skills I had gained—and also would give me what my life had been lacking. A chance to challenge myself, to prove myself, to explore an entirely new industry—one that might benefit from who I am and what I can do. But technically not so far from all that I know—because I invested those years in education and skills, and I only have so much time to become accomplished at something else—and really, science and engineering are things I truly love doing. Creating from nothing, something.
So now, I’m a craft distiller who makes gin. Oh, and rum. And agave spirits. Plus, I’ve got a whole pipeline of ideas that I want to make but just haven’t had the time… and I love it! In retrospect, I have not changed who I am. I am being more who I am today than I was in my life before this. Passion. Creativity. Excellence. Those were all in my past life and this life now. I’ve just added some new dimensions to who I am. And having fun while doing it!
And that clairvoyant reader? Well, let’s just say I finished a soul contract, healed wounds from past lives, and shored up my aura from intruders. Those voices? The negative energy? Call it mindset, but that ache in my heart, the void, the poor self worth—all resolved. Is it real? Am I whacky? Insane? Who knows? My perspective is this—It’s like life—it’s what you see and what you make of it.
Sending everyone healing, unconditional love, and light on this journey.
Cheers to you all ❤️
Gin is in!
The 727 featuring Severance No 2.