On the Edge

The earth has music for those that listen.

Shakespeare

Today has been a very interesting day. The tunnel I’ve wandered down recently has been getting dark and creepy. The lone candles I brought with me gave off very little light, casting shadows long and deep. Wind has been coming out of crevices in the stone walls, blowing out candles and plunging me into darkness while I scramble to strike a match. And this morning, as the candle was extinguished once again, I found myself with one last match. One chance.

Earlier this week two friends sent me readings. I asked them very different questions, but the messages were the same. Believe in your skills, accept what is, and know that what is meant to be will be. Trust the process, and more importantly, trust yourself. Trust that you have prepared, that you are ready, and that even when it all feels like it is falling apart, it is really falling together.

I admit I was half afraid to believe these messages. Because if I allowed myself to believe them, would it impact my motivation to keep moving, to keep trying, no matter how many times I felt like I was hitting a wall? Truth be told, it was grim these few days. So grim I felt that the future I was carefully crafting for decades, indeed as one of my friends suggested, for lifetimes, was in jeopardy. All my dreams could be gone in an instant. To risk so much and taste it, only to be starved when the fruits of my labor were taken away. To crash and burn. I was scared, depressed, and deeply saddened. My inner light dimmed, and one night even felt like it was gone.

This morning I felt the urge to get coffee on my way to work and pick up goodies for the team. Morale has been low and I’ve been managing in absentia as I’ve been pulled in so many directions I cannot focus. Food (and drink) is always a good idea. Breaking bread is a time old ritual. And fundamentally when your physical needs are met, it’s sometimes easier to focus on the emotional and spiritual ones. And so it was today. Good coffee, muffins and cake, a few smiles and chatter, and things were a bit lighter. The decision to move forward was made, because time was up. I had carved as much as could be gotten to give us breathing room, and now I could not hold back the tidal wave. It was time to jump in the boat we had crafted and pray it was seaworthy. Time to let go. To have faith. Then, the huddle in the bull pen, discussion amongst the team, a strategy defined, and implementation. And implement we did….and to what was today was no surprise to my two friends. It was what it was meant to be.

And life was good.

All was right in the world.

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