The best way out is always through.
Robert Frost
Some days the monotony grinds on the soul. Repetition in actions, conversations, and most disturbingly, thoughts, all serve to smear the colors I normally see in distinct hues—the ocean blues, the green trees, the pink and purple skies, the oranges, reds and yellow of sunset—into an amalgam of gray. Other times, like the week past, there was so much change that a bit of repetition would have been welcomed. I carry not just my stressors but those of others—my mom, my children, my teammates, my friends. And I am not alone in being overwhelmed with a barrage of decisions to be made, none of them that can be taken lightly. At times I feel crushed by their weight as they impact not just myself but those that rely on me. Sometimes, I feel paralyzed with indecision and I must push myself forward. Time waits for no one, and time is of the essence. Wave after wave has been pounding me the past couple of weeks with little reprieve.
I don’t know when I will feel the weight lift. Focus? A step back to define priorities and those things that add value, are precious, to be cherished, that augment the foundation of the life that I have built these decades past. Perhaps realizing that there are things, relationships, people who act as ties to things weighing me down, pulling me back into the sludge I am trying to break free. Distilling the facets of my life to a crystal clear liquid, like gin, adding unique botanicals and flavors to produce a complex distinct concoction that reflects the essence of my character. As I peel away and discard layers, I find that some layers hurt to shed but others fall away easily as they have long since become a dry husk. As I carefully select what is left, I see that as I lighten my outside load, I am coming closer to my inner self. And as it takes shape, my minds eye revels in the image that is yet more beautiful and amazing than I ever thought possible.
I am convinced the most simple things are the most powerful. And in our stripped state, we transform and become.
Love.
Hope.
Creation.
3 am thoughts and musings 